Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My Story

Unless I tell you how I came to this situation, I can't expect you to understand it. So here it is.

It all started when my friend showed me EverymanHYBRID last September. I really didn't get why there was a guy in a suit and they kept having technical difficulties. So my friend showed me the KnowYourMeme site about Him. I laughed. It was just so ridiculous.

That night I had a nightmare. I was running down a street in the dark, and then it forked off. I stopped at the fork and looked down both roads. On the left there was a line of people standing in the road. People I knew. He was standing in the right-hand road. My dream self did what made sense and ran down the left road. But as I passed the first person, my mother, she died. It wasn't detailed or anything, but I knew she was dead. And I kept running. One by one, every person I ran past died. I woke up, and I knew why people were afraid of Him.

I believe most of you know what it's like when He's after you. I won't go through it all. But after just a couple weeks, my mother died. They said it was an animal attack, probably a rabid dog that caught her napping in the hammock in our yard. I knew otherwise. That night I had the nightmare again, except my mother was dead to start with.

While I mourned, I tried to spend as much time as I could with others. I thought that might protect me. And it did. It was the friend who introduced me who died next. With him, the police suspected murder. They went through his stuff, and found his journal. I didn't understand it then, because I had never even seen Marble Hornets, but that symbol was all over the journal. After I heard the news, I had the dream for the third time.

I switched strategies, interacting with as few people as possible to save them from being collateral damage. I kept running, though. It was always my coping strategy, so I threw myself into it harder than ever. My coach was the next to die. I never found out what they thought had happened to her. When the nightmare came for the fourth time, I finally ran down the right path. Toward Him. As I ran in the dream, I split in two and was running beside myself. He grabbed the me beside me and started working the other me like a puppet.

Early the next morning, I wrote out a suicide note. I said that I would throw myself into the ocean. Then I walked to the harbor. It wasn't the most convincing suicide, but in a way that's what I was really doing. He met me there on the docks. I took his offer and He took half of my life.

Now that you've read my story, maybe you understand a bit better. I never wanted to join Him, but He wanted me. I still don't know why. Maybe I can help some of you, but don't try to help me. It's much too late.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Where Are You All?

After He got me, I put all thoughts of what He does and who He does it to out of mind. I was still in mourning for those He killed to get me, and I was disoriented by the way He was using me. I forgot about those He hunts, focusing on living my half of life as well as I could. Even when I knew I was being used against you Runners, I avoided thinking about it.

I think I wrote before that I didn't read your blogs. I only knew the big names. M. Zeke. Robert. After I started this blog, I went looking for those three. M and Zeke, at least, are still alive. I'm not sure about Robert. His last writing sounded like he was dying, or at least losing his mind. I commented on The Tutorial, and if you are reading this today, that's how. I couldn't bear to comment on the last thing Zeke wrote, not to talk about a dead boy.

Things have changed since He got me. Looking at those three made it clear. Zeke's situation is better than my own, even if it won't last. I don't know anybody anymore. He killed my mother, my coach, and my best friend. That was enough for me to give up. I faked my own death and made a deal with Him. The person I was is dead.

Look at me, pulling out the cliche angst when I only meant to ask a question. Namely, where are you all now? What are the new big names, the most-read blogs? I don't have time to go clicking around on all the commenters to find them. Not with 12 hours to a day and no computer of my own.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Why I'm Here

I was never going to make a blog. When He started hunting me, my life was too full with training and school. I knew that others had blogs, but didn't take the time to read them. That could be why He won.

See, I'm not one of you. I'm no Runner, no Fighter. He got me. He took half of my life and all of the meaning in it.

This isn't going well. Writing has never been my strength. Running was my strength. Not your kind of Running. Just running. He doesn't let me do that anymore. Not while I'm in control. But that's only half of the time.

He gives me 12 hours a day and takes 12 to use me for whatever it is He needs. During my time, I'm mostly free. He won't let me run, as I said, and He won't let me die. I have to use my time to eat and sleep, but He gives me an allowance. Or maybe it isn't Him, but another like me. Once my time is up, my mind just shuts off.

I don't know what He uses me for. I know I come back in strange places most of the time, sometimes a few towns over, sometimes even a few states. Sometimes I come back hurt or filthy. I just didn't care. Until today.

Today, I came back to myself in some empty warehouse. I looked down and was faced with a dead body. His face was untouched, so I could see by the lack of facial hair he was young. 14 or so, I think. Just a kid, and there he was with his abdomen all chopped up, lying in a pool of blood and other fluids. And I was there holding a machete, the blade smeared with the same.

How do you react to that? I dropped the weapon and got out. He won't let me run because He knows that running was my life, but I walked as fast as I could. I vomited too, right before I got out the warehouse door. Once I was out, I saw that I was in a city, one I didn't recognize. I walked until I saw an empty park bench, and slept there.

I'd love to be able to say that I was tossing and turning, haunted by that gruesome scene. But I slept sound for  five hours despite the uncomfortable "bed". The haunting started when I woke up. I went out and picked up some fast food. I never touched this stuff until He got me. Since then I don't have the money for anything better.

Now I'm using a computer in the Kansas City Public Library. It's a nice building, and the librarians haven't bothered me. I have another hour until He takes me, but I'm getting out of here before then. I have another dollar and some cents, so I can grab another burger.

So here it is, the reason I'm starting this blog: I want to know who He made me kill. The boy had brown hair, in a buzz cut. I can't remember what color his eyes were, but he had glasses. He looked around my height, 5'5". If anybody knows him or thinks they might, let me know. I doubt I'll still be around here tomorrow, but I'll be able to check this blog.