Money and Death

Today's the first day I had money since Saturday. Didn't think anything of it Sunday. Used what I had saved. Then I had nothing Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. It was awful. Got scared He might be trying to get rid of me. Doesn't make sense, I know. But He's unpredictable. Could have been true.

Wasn't. Got my money this morning when I came back. Salary, allowance, whatever. Usual amount. Not making up for what I missed. Kind of upset about it.

How do you people do it? The Runners, I mean. You don't have any income, right? Had to go to a soup kitchen. Felt like Oliver Twist. Awful food too. Been homeless for months, sure, but I've always had a little money. Paid for my own food.

No, I'll stop whining. If it happens again, I'll live. Just won't be able to post. No big deal.

Also, it's almost been a year since my mother died. Monday's the anniversary. On one hand, haven't lived a full year since then. On the other, feel like I've lived a whole life like this. Never thought then I'd still be alive now. Thought I was done for when I saw Him. Especially after He started killing off people I knew. But I am. Half alive is still alive.

Don't want to live forever like this. Don't want to die yet either. Can't say for sure things won't get better. Maybe He'll let me go after a year, even. Doubt it. But He's unpredictable. Could be true.

Don't Know What That Was For

Some of you saw the riddle I just deleted. Classic, about how many legs over a day. Answer is human. Everybody knows this. Should be changed, though. Nowadays old people have six legs. Walkers, not canes.

Don't know how it got here. Maybe the laptop wasn't as broken as it looked. A tech nerd could maybe fix it up and it'd still be logged in. Don't know. Or they guessed my password. Not hard. Just no point. No identity to steal. Changed the password anyway.

More wondering why than how, myself. What did I do to deserve an easy riddle? Guessing it was somebody He ruined. Messed up caps and all. Maybe it was bandit guy himself. Reminding me he's human too? Except I didn't forget. Not like some people.

Maybe you have better ideas.

All I've got to say. Wanted to let you know I saw it and deleted it. And changed the password. Won't happen again.

How I Broke My Computer

So, here's that story. The one from Sunday.

Saw Geoff again. Before he saw me. Didn't see anybody else around. Hid in the doorway of a shop. Except somebody was already lurking there. Scrawny guy, dressed like a bandit from a Western. Clearly on His side. My side.

Bandit guy tries to give a hatchet. Couldn't afford a gun, maybe. Didn't take it. Told him to get out, it was my half and I was supposed to be free of this. Bandit said it was His will. Pushed me out of the way. To do the job himself. Wasn't having any of that. Grabbed the guy's arm and yanked him back. Weighed almost nothing. Like he was literally hollow. Or just not eating. That got him mad. Madder. Swung at me with the hatchet.

The briefcase saved me. Or the laptop. Both. Hatchet broke through the screen of the laptop. Bandit fell on the ground. Convulsing. Figured I should call 911. But I had no phone.

So what do you think I did? If you guessed "call out to guy who wants you dead using the name you made up for him asking him to call 911 for you," you win.

Geoff looked over. Took a moment to realize what's going on. Then took out his phone and called. Couldn't hear what he said, but saw him look around for signs. I got out of there. Nothing more I could do and both of the guys there had tried to kill or at least hurt me.

But after he hung up, Geoff ran after me. Don't think you're supposed to hang up on 911. Anyway, Geoff wanted to know how I knew his name. No good answer. He went further, claiming I was some dead girl, his old neighbor. Oh, and I was betraying the human race to a mind-controlling alien. That's a new one.

I was so confused. He wasn't really Geoff. Couldn't be. His face wasn't the same. Close. Different somehow. Can't explain it. And even if his face changed, why would he be here?

Said I didn't know him except since last week. Said I was from Ohio. Didn't even say Geoff. Don't know if he believed me. Also told him I just saved his life so he should leave me alone. He just frowned at me and left.

Don't know if any of that was worth it. Haven't seen Geoff since, sure. But he could be dead. And now I'm back to library bribes.

No Coincidence

Used to live next door to a family of five. Back when I had a house and a family.

Never did explain that I had a stepfather, did I? Wasn't just me and my mother. Had a younger stepbrother too. Not the story I meant to tell.

Neighbors, right? Two boys, and a girl. Was good friends with the girl. Until junior year, anyway. Again, not the point. Point is, the oldest boy was two years older than me. Into politics. Weird, crazy politics. Convinced all Democrats are communists trying to brainwash children. Annoying, but he meant well. Probably. Helped me with pre-calc because I suck at math. Might expect him to be bullied, except he was a giant too. Whole family was tall.

His name was Geoff. The guy I named Geoff here reminded me of him. Right down to the belief that anybody not on his side is evil. Looked kind of like him too. But not the same person. I was sure of it. Until he recognized me.

There's a story there too. Short version: Stopped guy from attacking Geoff, broke computer in process, called out his name, he confronted me, figured out who I was, I lied, he left. Long version coming soon. Like I said, my laptop broke. Hatchets do that.

Still trying to wrap my mind around him really being Geoff. Doesn't make sense. Would have recognized him. Doesn't feel right even now. Can't explain it. Might even be an impostor. But he seemed legit.

Also, the guy with the hatchet said I was hunting Geoff. One mystery cleared up. Geoff wasn't magically following me, He was sending me after him. No coincidence, as in the title of this post.

A Coincidence?

Things that shouldn't happen keep happening. Coincidence isn't good enough. Must be arranged. By Him, or maybe someone else. Don't know. I should explain. Don't want to sound crazy.

That guy found me. The one from in the McDonalds on Saturday. Not one of the other guys. Should come up with some names. Let's go with Geoff for this one. No reason.

Anyway, Geoff found me today. This time he was ready. Had a hockey stick. Woke up on the bench to find him glaring at me. Tried not to panic. Remind myself He wouldn't let me die. Geoff is His target. No reason I'd be in danger. Except how I can't run away.

Tried to pretend I was still sleeping, but Geoff saw me look at him. So I stood up and waved. Maybe he'd go away. Nope.

Geoff marches toward me, saying how he was going to rid the world of scum like me. Defeat Him by taking out His pawns. I laughed. Couldn't help it. Geoff was so oblivious. Tried to explain to him that it was a bad plan. Too many of us, and He protects us. If it was just me and a handful of others, if Geoff could find them all like he found me, maybe. Maybe it would hurt Him. But I doubt it.

Geoff had no such doubts and wasn't going to listen to a "mindslave," as he thinks of me. Didn't bother explaining I'm only part-time. Didn't think it would matter.

Then Geoff charged at me. Cross-checked me over the bench. Knocked the wind out of me. So I was lying there on the ground with my legs on the bench. Defenseless. But Geoff didn't do anything. He hesitated. Not quite ready to bludgeon me to death. But he steeled himself and lifted the stick for a big swing.

By that point I could move and breathe again. Sort of. Rolled almost out of the way, and the stick came down on my forearm. That hurt. I cried out. Again, couldn't help it. Good thing, too.

Someone actually heard and decided to help. Not supposed to happen. Especially in a city. Not complaining, though. Woman came over. Shouted about calling the police. Geoff ran away. Then she left too. Cared enough to get rid of him, not enough to see if I was hurt.

Better that way. Can't go to a hospital and have His time start. Would be a mess. Just bruises anyway. I'll be fine.

Except I can't figure it out. How did Geoff find me again? Unlikely as me running into wallet guy back in North Carolina. These can't be just coincidences. Must be some meaning to it.

That Guy

Last post ended when I saw a guy watching me. Remember that? Only two days ago. A lot has been going on in our little world. Can't blame you if you forgot. Or never saw it in the first place.

Anyway, guy was watching me. Big hairy nerd, around my age, maybe a few years older. Finished the post, shut the laptop and glared back at him. He came over. Asked if I knew about You-Know-Who. Told him Harry Potter was over and he had to move on. But I knew this was that situation. The one I'd avoided so far. Not the first time I saw a Runner. First time one saw me.

He rephrased it, used some other stupid name for Him. Any other time, I would have come up with a good lie. Cover. Something to get him to go away. But I had just written that post. Not in the best mood. Didn't lie at all.

What would you do in his shoes? After somebody tells you yes, they do know about Him. No, they aren't a Runner. Actually, they're on His side.

I'll tell you what this guy did. Got this tough look on his face and raised his fists. Like he expected a fist fight. Now, I'm sitting down at a table, he's standing next to me, and we're in a busy McDonald's. He's got almost a foot and probably 100 pounds on me. Plus he's a he. Ridiculous.

So I just sat there. Let him realize how stupid he looked. No such luck. Then I said He was coming. That got the guy out of my face. Quickly went back and grabbed his bag, then headed for the door. Turned to point menacingly at me before getting outside and running away.

Went well. Nobody got hurt. Haven't seen him since, and I'm in Kalamazoo now. Always thought it was just a goofy word. But it's a real city.

No Revelations

Everyone's got secrets coming out. Good guys were bad. Some bad guys are good. Some bad guys are worse. Truth isn't what you expected. Truth isn't what you wanted. Think I'd be better off not knowing it.

My turn now. Here are my dirty little secrets. Shoplifted a few times. A little underaged drinking. Some forged signatures. Speeding. Lied too. Some weren't even white lies. Made out with one guy while going out with another. Wallet guy, actually. Said some cruel things.

Did I leave anything out? Nothing important, I'm sure. There is nothing important. No skeletons in my closet.

Wish I had some. Then I could just say I want to be a better person. Worse you are, the more support you get, right? And you have a goal too. Become better people. Not like me. Just getting through the days, hoping something will magically get better. Knowing it won't.

But at least I'm not in danger of death. I stay alive. Part of the deal. If I'm in danger, He'll help me out. Still can't be reckless. Somebody else might get killed. Wouldn't want that. That's why I don't want to be arrested. Cops would be doing their job, and then He'd kill them so I could get out. Maybe. Haven't tested it yet. Don't plan to.

Maybe you could count that as my crime. He killed people I loved since I didn't join Him fast enough. And He killed the lying man on the other side of the glass. Didn't do exactly what He wanted me to do. People died. Murder by omission? Sounds about right. See, I am one of you. A killer. Show me the secret handshakes.

Sorry. Maybe some of you aren't killers. Just disturbing how many are and get forgiven anyway.

Need to end this. Guy is watching me.

More

Yesterday sucked. Came back in the driver's seat of a PT Cruiser. In a parking garage. No other cars on the level. Got out and saw an old guy crushed up against the wall by the back of the car. He was making awful noises.

I froze. What do you do in that situation? Couldn't call 911. Couldn't help him at all. So I left. Walked as fast as I could, since He won't let me run.

Never explained that. When I try to run, my legs freeze up. I just fall instead. I believe he did something in my brain. The part that sends messages to muscles. Some of the messages are blocked. Just to make my half worse.

But I was talking about yesterday. Got out of the parking garage. No problem. Then notice I left the briefcase in the car. Going back in wasn't an option. Couldn't deal with seeing the dying guy again. Might get caught too.

Wasn't able to sleep all day. Kept thinking about the old man. And how the cops would have to be after me now. Parking garages have security cameras, right? But nothing happened. He protected me as usual. I got some food and just tried to calm myself over and over.

Then His half started and today the briefcase was back. Of course. No stupid troll posts this time. No more.

No more. Please.