Today's the first day I had money since Saturday. Didn't think anything of it Sunday. Used what I had saved. Then I had nothing Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. It was awful. Got scared He might be trying to get rid of me. Doesn't make sense, I know. But He's unpredictable. Could have been true.
Wasn't. Got my money this morning when I came back. Salary, allowance, whatever. Usual amount. Not making up for what I missed. Kind of upset about it.
How do you people do it? The Runners, I mean. You don't have any income, right? Had to go to a soup kitchen. Felt like Oliver Twist. Awful food too. Been homeless for months, sure, but I've always had a little money. Paid for my own food.
No, I'll stop whining. If it happens again, I'll live. Just won't be able to post. No big deal.
Also, it's almost been a year since my mother died. Monday's the anniversary. On one hand, haven't lived a full year since then. On the other, feel like I've lived a whole life like this. Never thought then I'd still be alive now. Thought I was done for when I saw Him. Especially after He started killing off people I knew. But I am. Half alive is still alive.
Don't want to live forever like this. Don't want to die yet either. Can't say for sure things won't get better. Maybe He'll let me go after a year, even. Doubt it. But He's unpredictable. Could be true.